Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday." Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?" Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer." Friend, "But you can't die of that!" Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we had to shoot him."
Doctor to a patient: "I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?" "The good one please." "I found the diagnosis of your illness; it means you have two days to live." "And the bad one?" "I’ve been trying to reach you for two days."