1. Make a list of problematic situations
Begin to solve the problem better with the analysis. So do not be lazy to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel constraint. Be as specific as possible. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate which people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or those who have power.
Then try to arrange the recorded situations in order to increase your anxiety (most likely, a call to a stranger causes less anxiety than a speech to an audience).
In the future, this list can be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome more difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will increase, and shyness, respectively, will decrease.
2. Fix your strengths
Another list that will help you in the battle with constraint, should relate to your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is low self-esteem . Mercilessly fight it, reminding yourself of your own magnificence (this is not a joke).
Try to find a downside even for flaws. It may be hard for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are a great listener. This communication skill can and should also be used.
3. Decide on purpose
Any action becomes much more effective when it is focused. It is clear that constant confusion interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly it interferes with you. It is possible that the stated goal will be the impetus for overcoming the old problem.
Skills need to be sharpened, and habits that prevent one from living should be systematically eliminated. All this concerns both sociability and shyness. Here are a few ideas that can be used as a kind of training.
- Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in the brain that starts in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go from the opposite and perform actions opposite to those to which you are accustomed. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Did you catch yourself thinking that in a conversation you are taking a defensive position? Try asking a friend a few questions.
- Talk to strangers. Try at least once a day to talk with one stranger (better with a random passerby). Most likely, you will never see him again, so feel free to hone on him communication skills.
- Generally communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, settle for speeches, greet those you often meet, but never greet.
- Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a particular person at a party, but are you afraid to approach him? Practice on those present who cause less constraint. If we are talking about an acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say before the right person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
And always get ready for a public appearance. But do not limit yourself to just repeating speech. Visualize your future success with the audience. This will give confidence.
5. Focus on others.
The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they make on others. Try redirecting the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you are focused on another person, anxiety about your own behavior goes into the background.
6. Try new
Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will positively affect your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in the sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation master classes. Such exercises help to relax.
7. Watch your body language
Eye contact, correct posture, loud and clear speech, as well as a smile and a firm handshake inform others about your confidence and openness. Moreover, with these signals you deceive your brain a little and really begin to feel more at ease.
8. Less often say no.
Much has been said about the importance of the word “no” . But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed both in word and action) is often dictated by the fear of the unknown and the unjustified fear of shame. If you want to stop being ashamed, learn to say “yes” to those opportunities that life presents.
9. Learn to manage anxiety.
Some physiological reactions associated with shyness, to overcome very difficult. Someone starts to stutter, someone - violently blush or forget the simplest words. Stopping it with one effort of will is almost impossible. To cope with the problem will help the ability to quickly relax, for example, using deep breathing.
10. Do not advertise your shyness.
You should not focus your and others' attention on the fact that you have problems with communication. So you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the attitude that shyness is your invariable trait.
Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that this is an accident, speak about it lightly, and not as a serious problem. Starting to blush? Tell me that this is a feature of your body, not a reaction to stress. And never characterize yourself as a shy person to strangers. Let them form your own opinion and notice your other, more interesting features.