Sangeeta Bijlani- former Miss India, actress and better known as Salman Khan's ex-girlfriend. She married to cricketer Mohammad Azharuddin but their marriage ended up in divorce.
The actress is seen appearing in various events and after years she has written a blog in which she writes:
Love is like the sand slipping between our fingers, the harder we grasp, the faster it seems to fall through.
We all need love from the time we are born until we die. We don’t just need to receive love, we also want to give love. Some are happy just giving love while some need to receive love very often. Both give you immense joy and happiness. It took me a long time to realise that people love differently.
We have a huge percentage of young people hoping, but often failing to find a unique soulmate who can satisfy all their emotional needs. So it’s a need for them and they would like to believe that it is love. They need someone else to love them and this may not always be possible.
Love hurts only when you expect. The man expects the woman to be in a certain way and vice-versa. It’s a need that you are looking for in your partner, the need to change them, be it in behaviour, habits, attitude, beliefs, outlook, physical appearance and all this just to suit your own needs. That’s the biggest blunder that people make in the name of love. They have too many expectations and conditions in their relationship. Love is not about control. Love is about freedom, about being happy together. The moment there is control and expectations, then come the arguments, pain, heartaches and trauma. And alas !!!! You have fallen into a trap …..in the name of love.
Most couples tend to fall into this trap which becomes the main cause for misunderstandings and conflicts. It’s really not worth it because you put so much time and effort to build this feeling which you call “love” only to ruin it and reach a breaking point. Love is about sharing and caring in a beautiful and not in a painful and forceful way. You cannot cause pain and discomfort to someone you love. You can’t have a set of conditions, and if your partner does not fulfil those conditions doesn’t mean you stop loving. And if you do give into all these conditions and expectations, then it’s a need to stay in this relationship, either for emotional security, financial security, physical needs, social pressures or even family pressures. Then this cannot be love, it’s a need.
Love makes even the toughest vulnerable. There is a flip side to love too. I have known in many relationships where the partner gets over possessive and restricts the other partner from doing certain things or wearing certain kind of clothes or meeting your friends and family. You may be ambitious but the partner may not allow you that freedom and you may have to forego the opportunities that come to you else you may lose him/her and all this in the name of love ..?? And if these are not given into then there is anger, they harm and malign each other. I am sure that you know few people that once loved each other but now hate each other so much. Some people even kill the ones they once loved so dearly. Love and hate are polar opposites and it’s easy to slip to the other end of the spectrum when love dies out between two people. Most people go into depression and become suicidal after love ends and some vow never to love again – love is not control or slavery – where is the love in all of this ..??. People are truly misunderstanding love.
Love nowadays seems to have become external and material with a whole lot of needs and expectations, control, compromises and pressures. And if the couples do decide to stay together, then post the initial excitement and adrenaline rush, with time love does fizzle out. Then it’s about commitment, family and social pressures or the need for a companion. With some it can last forever, some stay in it for different reasons, some find love within, while some go on searching for it from body to body and so the search for love goes on……..
Love does not mean that you have to be with someone. Sometimes you can’t be with people you love and you have to let them go. You both were meant to be in each others lives only for that much time. But the love never goes away. I feel love is to be felt, experienced and cherished. You can’t hold onto it from another. This is the predicament of loving.
As said beautifully by a spiritual master – unconditional love really exists in each one of us. It’s a part of our deep inner being. The most important aspect of love is not in giving or the receiving. It’s in the being. When you need love from others or need to give love to others, you are caught in an unstable situation. Being in love rather than giving or taking love is the only thing that provides stability.
