1. Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine." 

2. Mother: “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick: “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother: “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick: “What school?”

3. Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me." 

4. Dentist: "You need a crown."

Patient: "Finally someone who understands me"