1. I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror.

2. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

3. If you’re here, who’s running hell?

4. I swear I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again.

5. Would you like to dance? No? You must’ve misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants.

6. I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.

7. Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face looks kind of funky.

8. If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away?

9. Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?

10. Take my advice — it’s not like I’m dumb enough to.